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PELLUCID
02-02-2007, 02:06 PM
NASSAU - Ministers of the Government of The Bahamas held a joint press conference today, announcing the nation's new initiative to fight global warming.

The Hon. Marcus Bethel (Minister of Energy and The Environment) opened the press conference by stating "As a nation of low-lying islands, we are at great risk of being inundated by rising sea levels as global warming melts the planet's ice caps. We have complained about this situation for years, and have seen little action on the part of the large industrial nations responsible. It is high time The Bahamas stopped relying other nations to solve its problems. We must take matters into our own hands. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to unveil our local solution to a global problem -- Carbon Sequestration Through Iron Fertilization."

Mr. Bethel presented research showing every ton of iron added (http://www-formal.stanford.edu/jmc/progress/iron.txt)to the oceans will capture 700 tons of carbon dioxide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitigation_of_global_warming#Seeding_oceans_with_i ron), the principal gas responsible for global warming. He said "We have a ready source of iron at hand, cheaply available, in the form of derelict ships. As Minister of Energy it is my special pleasure to announce that the first vessel designated for this program will in fact be an oil drilling barge, courtesy of Liberty Oil Refining (http://www.libertyoil.org/) of Las Vegas, NV. I'd like to extend a special thanks to Mr. Kermit Waters for allowing this vessel to come aground over a year ago, on a coral reef next to the historic settlements of Man-O-War Cay and Hopetown. If any in the audience would like to extend their personal thanks, his phone number is 702-499-9832. We are extremely grateful for his gift of more than 2000 tons (http://www.tc.gc.ca/ShipRegistry/detail.asp?lang=e&VesselID=3175&category=statistics) of iron which will be added to the oceans over the next couple of decades."

Drill Barge "Louis J Goulet" Aground on Reef in Abacos


(see attached photo)

The Hon. Obie Wilchcombe (Minister of Tourism) had additional good news to announce. "This is part of our plan to diversify the nation's tourism industry away from packaged cruise ship/casino vacations. The new generation of tourists is much more attuned to the environment, and they are willing to spend money to experience it first-hand. We see eco-tourism as a profitable niche that will carry us past the looming transition of power in Cuba. Our vision is to have several vessels similar to this one grounded off of every anchor development in The Bahamas. Local tour operators can offer kayak excursions, wreck snorkeling, even bungee jumping from the superstructure. Doesn't this look something that would appeal to the adventure traveler?"

New Design For Bahamian Ten Dollar Bill


(see attached photo)

Mrs. Wendy Craig (Governor of The Central Bank of The Bahamas) wrapped up the press conference by presenting the new design for the Bahamian ten dollar bill. "We were of course thrilled that the Louis J Goulet came aground just a mile or two away from the Elbow Cay lighthouse." she said. "This historic structure, one of three remaining hand-wound kerosene-fired lighthouses in the world, epitomizes Bahamian respect for tradition. With its red and white stripes, overlooking the Hopetown harbour first settled in 1783, there is good reason this is one of the most photographed scenes in The Bahamas. Now, with the addition of the drill barge to the scenery, we have the privilege of updating the nation's currency. I do hope Obie is able to quickly find some more derelict ships to park near Hopetown. As you can see, there is plenty of room on the ten dollar bill for us to add more."

PELLUCID
02-02-2007, 02:08 PM
The post above is available as an e-mail ready to forward to all your friends, with the pictures imbedded where they should be. Just PM me with your e-mail address and I will send it to you.

CR
02-02-2007, 03:23 PM
You have way - way to much time on your hands.:D

R.

patw
02-02-2007, 07:09 PM
That is from the Bloggy Boyz web site. They are too funny and the facts are sometimes very true.

You have way - way to much time on your hands.:D

R.

PELLUCID
02-02-2007, 08:31 PM
(ahem) The Bloggy Boyz often publish stuff sent to them anonimously, which what I intended for them to do.

patw
02-02-2007, 09:24 PM
Which I believe they did. I had no idea who wrote the above until now. I saw it on their site first, then I saw your post here on the Forum.

patw
02-02-2007, 09:25 PM
By the way, the article is absolutely wonderful!! Good job to "whoever" wrote it! ;)

SusieAndAl
02-03-2007, 08:27 AM
Well done sir! We've sent a copy to a few friends around the globe and hopefully they'll get some publicity for it.

BTW, the late, great Molly Ivans once said that "satire used against the powerful is a potent tool, but when used against the intellectually bankrupt is like kicking a cripple". We suspect that both instances apply here!

Cheers -- Susie and Al

PELLUCID
03-15-2007, 08:44 PM
Well... whaddya know... front page of Section B in the latest Abaconian says that they found a new contractor to remove the barge, and that they flew over on February 20th to finalize the details.

It's not a done deal yet... but this is progress. I will post the link to the Abaconian article once it gets posted.

Dunno whether this sort of heat helped... but it certainly didn't hurt!

Jerry S
03-15-2007, 08:54 PM
Thanks for the info Bob :)

Spagna
03-15-2007, 10:13 PM
You have tapped the true power of the internet! Well done sir!

Well... whaddya know... front page of Section B in the latest Abaconian says that they found a new contractor to remove the barge, and that they flew over on February 20th to finalize the details.

It's not a done deal yet... but this is progress. I will post the link to the Abaconian article once it gets posted.

Dunno whether this sort of heat helped... but it certainly didn't hurt!

Beer Baron
03-19-2007, 11:22 AM
...On the second night of his maiden voyage, a new drill barge Capt sees a light directly in his path. He summons a signalman to send a message via morse code flashlight thingy (I'm sure it has a name, but I have no idea what it is): Change your course 15 degrees to starboard to avoid collision.

The reply is a swift but terse: You change course. I'm not going anywhere.

The new captain flies into a rage and has the signalman send:
This is Captain Bilgepump of the Really Rusty Drill Barge, and I DEMAND you come 15 degrees to starboard IMMEDIATELY! Collision imminent!!:mad:

To which he receives the following reply:
I am the Hopetown lighthouse, dummy. Either change course or run aground.

Capt: :eek: **CRUNCH**


I'm curious how someone runs aground right in front of a lighthouse.

DISCLAIMER:
The preceding post was a dramatization of events of which I have no personal knowledge and was intended solely to get a laugh out of you on a Monday and to offend only the goofball that actually ran the barge aground in the first place in one of the most scenic harbors in the world. Anyone else offended should just lighten up, or maybe head over to another message board where the moderators are glad to censor morons like me.

HALF-A-HAMIAN
03-19-2007, 12:52 PM
It was unmaned and adrift, due to storm.

Beer Baron
03-20-2007, 01:24 PM
I guess the good thing is that since she was unmanned, no one was injured when she came aground. Why let it sit there for so long?

Albaco
03-20-2007, 03:03 PM
Someone please just make it go away.

johnnycake
04-06-2007, 10:30 AM
Do you think it will be enforced that the cruising permit has expired on this drill barge and it is time for it to leave the Bahamas?

SamFamAustin
04-06-2007, 04:12 PM
If boats could talk ... can you imagine what that poor drill barge off MOW would be saying. Here she was, taken from her home in the Great Lakes where is never any rust, treated beautifully every year with a new, jaunty coat of paint. And proud, too, putting all those bridge pilings and lock pylons way down deep into the ground. Ah, and the crew smoked tobacco and talked sailor stories about the big days of the Great Lakes like the Edmond Fitzgerald, proud Lakers they was ... even working in the ice when the ship traffic was closed!

Then a bad man came along and jerked her by a chain headrope and 2-inch wire all the way down to the Bahamas, which she was ill-suited for, being a Laker. Nobody rode along, as they were all on the 4,000 HP tugboat laughing at how ugly and unkempt she was. The tugboat captain wasn't laughing, though, as she looked like the stoppers that hold onto the drill barge might come right out her bows ... and then turn into a foundered salvage job with little hope of pay. Fortunately, they made it to a spot on the north of the Bahama banks and set one smallish anchor. There she sat, sulking, waiting for orders, like an old forgotten Labrador Retreiver.

Unlike most deep-sea vessels she was used to being lashed to a dock or having a smallish bow and stern anchors, and there she was riding on one small anchor rode with a short scope. Nobody was on board to ensure that she was ship-shape, or at least two large mooring anchors would have been used. Where was the anchor hoy and mooring tugs? It was lonely. A low developed, the seas got up, and she started to drag, fouling the puny anchor, eventually parting company. She was completely adrift, something that had never happened to her in her entire life. She ended up on a reef on Man-O-War Cay with a grinding and screeching halt, each wave bumping her bottom and gashing her hull. This was not where she wanted to be.

Then all these people came out and scolded and had terrible looks on their faces, saying dirty words about an ugly girl ... a once beautiful girl who didn't ever want to be outside the Great Lakes. She wasn't even supposed to be a oil drilling barge! She tried to move, each inch just making it worse. The rust opened up seams, seams that never would have rusted in the Great Lakes. One night, when nobody was looking or listening, she signed, took her last breath, and died.

Beer Baron
04-06-2007, 04:38 PM
Way more entertaining than my story. They oughtta just remove all potential contaminants, pack 'er with C4, and make a reef out of her.